RE: Aligned Self
George wrote:
>In a message dated 96-11-24 04:02:43 EST, you write:
>
><< I'd like to ask you what happened to your old "dope smoking mode" after
> you've done the "addiction strategy" process. Is it still here but not
> "on line" anymore ? Is it removed ? Is it transformed ?
> >>
>
> Don't know- I'll have to run the whole thing to check and see. May be a few
>weeks before I get to it. My initial impression is that it's still
>there....suprisingly so, and that the "firewall" I'd installed 23 years ago
>is a bit weaker- and I realize the prospect of removing it, and using the
>energy bound up in it, for a positive intention, is exciting and healthy.
Mine is still there but disconnected. I'm still slightly suprised by my ability to walk away from half a drink or joint because I've had enough. It feels quite strange to know what "enough" is, to be able to drink (etc.) without organizing my life around a stable supply of "substance du jour".
Total abstinence is easier because it is an automatic refusal. Mature use is much more difficult because it requires thought and judgement -- do I want this? how much of it do I want? why do I want it? what will the consequences be?
The parallel to total abstinence is the rigid parenting style that allows no deviation from the rules, no extenuating circumstances, and automatically refuses requests without thinking about it.
Addictive mode has a parallel in the totally permissive "no rules" style of parenting.
Mature parenting has real but flexible rules and, like mature use, is much harder for the same reasons -- it takes thought and judgment. As I've become a mature parent I've been able to expand that style and apply it to my own behavior as well as my son's!
So there you have it -- in order grow beyond addiction, one has to grow up and become responsible. No wonder the success rates are so low.
Blessings to all
and to those who celebrate it -- Happy Thanksgiving!
Jenni