Re: 14 Year Old Nephew
Patricia, Ross,
Patricia, I agree with most of your points.
Ross, could you get the kid to stay with you for a while?
I suppose that would give him some breathing space. And another type of
influence. Maybe enough to discover that he is capable of something else,
something more productive or positive than whatever he does now. Even if you
can't do much more than light up the faintest glow of different identity than
the one he is developing right now, he'll have something else to turn to in
case
of need.
I've had one very similar case, except that there weren't the younger brothers.
It wasn't necessary to break up the family. Also: Father was working on his own
attitude and traumas. The kid was able to get massive personal support from a
special private school.
I'd see if I could get father to dissociate from his dysfunctional pattern.
People who are being abused usually have a positive motivation somewhere hidden
to NOT let others go through the same thing they went through. This seems
paradoxical (as they often actively cause much pain in others), but still it's
often true. If this motivation is activated, his present behaviour can be
artfully short-cicuited with it. This doesn't resolve anything, but it creates
motivation to do something about it. This will probably cause rage so you
should
stay present. Then you offer an outlet in the form of personal change and
hammer
the iron when it's still hot. If you can afford yourself the luxury, you may
set
up a therapeutic good cop / bad cop situation. This is pure manipulation of
course, so all notes should be made on self destructing paper.
Kind Regards,
Rene Duba