This week: bulemia. Next: cheetos addicts!!
- Subject: This week: bulemia. Next: cheetos addicts!!
- From: GeoNelson@aol.com
- Date: Mon, 30 Dec 1996 23:31:34 -0500
Jeff & Group,
My wife and I once did a hierarchy of values elicitation with an attractive,
witty, very bright young gal who had both bulemia and anorexia.
To her shock and utter horror & embarassment, she valued her personal
appearance higher than anything else (surprise!)- even higher than her
appreciation of honesty, self respect, and other good qualities she had ample
reason to have/feel.
Her reaction, at realizing she valued her appearance ahead of the qualities
that she, as an intelligent young woman, had in spades, was to cry out
mournfully- "How could I BE so SUPERFICIAL????!!
Of course, we pointed out that she could rearrange her hierarchy of vaules
if she choose to and felt it was useful, and that we'd be happy to assist
her. Sad to say, there were other complex relationship factors, as is so
often the case, involving a very controlling mother, and a dysfunctional
family system.
Due to this dynamic, she decided she wasn't ready to FACE the TRUTH about
herself, and retreated once again into the fantasy world she had created.
This would have been fine, had her fantasy been beneficial and productive
for her- but her eating patterns were the ONLY thing in her life she felt a
measure of control over- yet, she was really out of control in a NON fun way.
She choose not to continue our visits.
In my experience with addicts (having been one myself), there always comes a
point where a person must face the Truth abouth themselves that they've been
trying, desperately, to avoid- if they want to grow. Only then can they move
forward toward health and wellness. (strong towards Meta progarm there, I
realize- it keeps me going!) Truth is a humbling experience, and we all find
it where we must, but the fact is there is always a Truth an addict has been
fighting to hide- from others certainly, but most of all, from themselves.
She couldn't let go in order to gain greater control.
As far as I know, she's still in this place today.
As has been pointed out before, decisions are among the most powerful things
on earth. They make us who we are.
Once of the best NLP ways... or Anyway....to help an addict is to be clean
and sober emotionally and spiritually yourself, which starts with real
honesty with yourself. Then, find that place in the other's soul that, too,
yearns for the honesty its been denied and talk to it with words of
understanding, mercy and love. (while seeing clearly with eyes of soft blue
steel what is really there, warts and all):
Come out, come out, wherever you are!!
George